The Guard

The Truth On Board

Unlocking hearts through marriage dialogue

By Emily Setona

QWAQWA – A ‘heart-warming’ dialogue session with a purpose centred around the challenges of marriage and how to overcome them was held at Qwaqwa hotel.

The dialogue was inspired by testimonies from various individuals, both men and women, who drew from personal experiences about how keeping God as the foundation is the one sure way to get through tough times in marriage.

Tshepo Maritz, who was there with his wife Malesego, pointed out that people know exactly what is right and wrong and how to live together in harmony.

“When things go wrong, it is not because of one person. It takes two to tango. Women are passionate people who can be aggressive at times and this aggression can have negative consequences in a marriage. Why I am saying this is because women can talk about their feelings immediately while us men bottle things up.
It is only through God’s grace that a man can truly endure some of the challenges in a marriage, because as men we do not want to confront every issue and this can cause women to develop a type of anger,” Maritz said.

Masetjhaba Mokoena singled out secrets and lies as marriage destroyers because sometimes a woman only gets to find out about her husband’s illegitimate children when he is dead.

“Men are not always honest about their past; sometimes a woman falls in love with a married man not knowing that he is married. Then you only get to find this out during preparations for his funeral when the legal wife arrives at the funeral with a marriage certificate,” Mokoena said.

According to social worker Nneheng Mopeli from the Department of Social Development (DSD), domestic violence is the biggest challenge that destroys marriages, whether it is emotional abuse, financial abuse, or physical abuse.

“The key factor in abuse is that one person is trying to control the other person. We all have childhood traumas from how we were raised, so we encourage parents to be aware of how they raise their kids. We have so many adults perpetrating or being victims of abuse because of their unresolved traumas that often get triggered in abusive relationships,” Mopeli said.

Another social worker, Rose Taole from DSD under the programme of families, said from September 1 to 7, 2023 is World Marriage Week and this is a time when the department tries to inspire and motivate the wellbeing of couples in a marriage.

“Qholaqhwe Advice Centre (QAC) has invited us here today on the 12th of September as a way of celebrating and observing marriage week. Marriage is the union between two people where they say they love each other. In the early stages of any marriage both people feel butterflies for each other and feel good about each other.

As time goes by these feelings change and we face many challenges within the marriage, and this can sometimes lead to divorce. In the family programme we do not encourage divorce but we encourage people to enter marriage as a whole person who understands themselves, so that we do not hurt one another and our children in a marriage.”

Effective communication, honesty, trust, being patient with each other, love and understanding and learning how to keep God as an integral part of the marriage are some of the things that those gathered at this event agreed are key to a successful marriage.

One of the special guests present was Mofumahadi Makamohelo Mohale who was there with her husband Chief Nyakallo Mohale who in her address to the crowd said such events are much needed because marriage is a very important and sacred part of people’s lives.